So a little background first: I had been toying around for a while with doing the First Friday Devotions. For those who don’t know (and without getting into all the history right now), they are a series of acts performed in devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus on the first Friday of every month for nine consecutive months, and chief among these acts are going to Mass and receiving the Blessed Sacrament (holy Communion). Well, I decided that since the solemn feast of the Sacred Heart, which is celebrated in June, fell on a first Friday this year, I would take that as a sign that it was a good time to start my own practice.
Now the hard part of this process is that, in order to ensure that I’m receiving the Blessed Sacrament in as pure a state of grace as possible, I now go to confession at least once a month. Now I’ve said before to people that going to confession is probably the hardest thing that Catholics do, and also one of the most necessary. It forces us to confront our weaknesses and personal failings, and our whole selves as a result, but it also satisfies our need as physical creatures for a tangible reassurance that yes, God still love us and will forgive us anything we have done if we ask Him to in love and sincerity. And the funny thing is the more we do it, the more sensitive we can become to these weaknesses when they try to overtake us, or succeed in doing so. Some of us may even run the risk of becoming depressed or fanatical about being in such a perpetually wretched state, And so the trick is–much as it is in all things–to find the balance.
Which brings me to the reason I’m typing tonight. Today at confession, I was discussing the past month’s failings with the priest and he asked me at one point what it is that I think I want. And i answered that what I want to do is share all the love I feel, and that my problems arise when that sharing becomes frustrated, either through my inability to give or others’ unwillingness to receive. And so that love can end up turning in on itself, which starts all sorts of things going on in the mind. And, to be quite frank, it’s really annoying. Anyhow, the priest listened, and sympathized with my little rant, but then he reminded me that that’s what our friends are there for: to help us to moderate ourselves, and to be companions and sounding boards in some cases, and to remind us that it’s okay to be human.
And he’s right, of course: it is okay to be human. After all, God became a human, let His Heart bleed for humanity, lets Himself become food and drink in the Blessed Sacrament in order to become a physical part of us. And I remembered that that’s what the devotion to the Sacred Heart is all about: God loves us so much that there’s a part of God that will always be human.
So I want to take time right now to say a big THANK YOU to the people in my life. I’m truly blessed to have a wonderful Family that gave me my humanity, great Friends and Intimates who help me enjoy my humanity, and powerful Muses who help me understand my humanity. Thank you all for being an integral part of my human life, for each of you doing your own part, even in the most seemingly innocuous of acts, to bring it one step closer every day to becoming something truly eternal. Eternal life, as I’ve said before, is about quality, not quantity. And I hope I can–and want more than anything–to be the same for you. 🙂